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    6:31 PM

    Bumperactive endorses Brewster McCracken for Austin Mayor

    For our series of Austin artist contributed bumper stickers, "Visionaries for McCracken," click here. For our own endorsement of Brewster's candidacy read below.

    Vision. Is there a commodity that's ever been harder to come by, or worth more on the global market, or been in greater consumer demand?

    Because let's face it, wherever you look these days, things are a mess: Companies with rock-solid brand names like GE, GM and Lehman Brothers are either going, going, or gone. Countries that don't even have the Discovery Channel are spit-balling nuclear science fair projects. Unemployment rising faster than sea-level, home values falling like the newspaper readership....

    To be sure, everyone knows exactly how to fix *some* of the problem—their particular slice of it. But nobody has a handle on the great, cosmic *all* of it. No one sees how to view all the wildly thrashing pieces together in context to find the way forward. It's like the old Dylan quote describing a comparably bewildering era:

    "The 60s were like a flying saucer, man. Everyone talks about it, but nobody saw it."

    Here at Bumperactive, The Great Global Catastrophe of 2009—the final year of a decade for which nobody has come up with a consensus name—has turned our thoughts toward our home town of Austin, TX.

    Partly this is because, in a world this crazy, a general emphasis on neighborliness seems like a prudent survival strategy. But it's also because so much of what's busted out there is 100% beyond the capacity of a dinky little make-your-own-bumper-sticker website to do a damn thing about.

    Not so for the lives of our friends and our neighbors who are caught up with us in this mess. And the other small businesses and community groups we buy and sell with, and the fellow travelers we drink with at the Poodle Dog, and suffer through parking-lot-hour with on the asphalt of Mo-Pac.

    So this year, for the first real time, we've turned our attention to affairs of city-state, and in particular toward the candidacy of city council member Brewster McCracken for Mayor of Austin.

    Mayor's race stuff: That's traffic-and-schools-and-potholes, and most of all cops and ambulances, right? Seems to be a huge part of it (and so not surprisingly, Brewster's been known to extemporize on the optimal dimensions of a single-stream recycling bin. The dude's personality contains a hefty streak of "trash can geek.")

    But that's not all of it: City politics is also about defining who we are as a community of citizen neighbors. City politics is where democracy works most. It's the level at which individuals can not only speak up, but be heard, and effect meaningful change in the lives of people they actually know.

    Accordingly, nowhere else are the values and vision of governance of greater relevance than at the city level. A city with vision can revitalize its urban core, safeguard its environment, and ignite the creative spirit of entire cultures and industries—as Austin has done in the past—regardless of the tumult of forces crashing about the globe.

    Alone of the five mayoral candidates, Brewster McCracken gets this. And alone he has mounted a campaign grounded not just in issues, but ideas.

    It's been said, with much truth, that among two the front-running candidates—Brewster and fellow council member Lee Leffingwell—there's hardly an inch of daylight on an position-by-position basis. To balance the budget, Lee wants to cut unspecified programs, but it will also probably require pay-freezes or pay-cuts. In sharp contrast, Brewster calls for pay-freezes or pay-cuts, but balancing the books will also probably require cuts to unspecified programs.

    And of course, everybody who wants to be elected believes, on balance, "More Green Jobs" would be a good thing.

    But there's a vital difference between Brewster McCracken and the other candidates (Leffingwell, Carole Keeton Strayhorn, David Buttross and Josiah Ingalls). It lies in the philosophical approach that's brought them to the "yes-no-maybes" of their largely shared positions. And you can see it for yourself easily enough through a quick visit to each of their campaign websites.

    The talking points of the others are all nuts and bolts, such as Lee's core planks of "Jobs-Traffic-Safety-Health." Brewster, on the other hand, presents a framework for charting Austin's future in uncertain times. He has a vision for how to put the nuts and bolts together:

    • "Prepare our city for the 21st century economy," according to the economic model developed by UT Business School Dean George Kozmetsky in the late 1980s, which fueled Austin's reinvention as a leading technology center.
    • "Build upon our position as a clean energy leader," through new initiatives, and by extending the landmark Pecan Street Project to produce one power plant's worth of renewable energy within the city limits. Brewster took the lead in facilitating the birth of Pecan Street as a city counsel member in 2008.
    • "Ensure that Austin provides opportunity for ALL its citizens." Brewster is alone among the front-running candidates in giving social justice initiatives pride of place "above the fold" on his website.
    • "Improve the livability of Austin neighborhoods" by forgoing the expensive, high profile city development projects of the past and sharing the money across the city so that every Austinite can see his or her neighborhood get a little bit better.
    • "Support Austin's Creative Class" through supporting affordable healthcare and housing, providing the technical infrastructure needed to maintain Austin's position as a world music and film capital, and creating a formal Department of Music within City Hall.

    Jobs-Traffic-Safety-Health it ain't. It's something much more powerful *Why* we should Jobs-Traffic-Safety-Health, and *What Kind* of Jobs-Traffic-Safety-Health we need. Most of all, it's an articulate concept of *How* we can Jobs-Traffic-Safety-Health together, the Austin way.

    There's a consensus opinion on the kinds of steps Austin needs to take for the future, and then there's the leadership needed to take those steps. There are laundry lists, and there is vision. There are qualified, devoted, well-intentioned candidates for Mayor of Austin. And there is Brewster McCracken.

    Vote for the city we see we can become. Vote Brewster for Mayor during early voting beginning on April 27 at these locations. If you don't do that, vote Brewster on election day May 9. And while you're at it, go ahead and plan now to do it again in the likely runoff election on June 13.



    1:31 AM

    ¡Si, Se Pudo!



    11:35 PM

    And you thought the credit meltdown was bad....

    Wait until *this* macroeconomic shoe drops:


    Yup, we're totally hosed.

    In related news, keep your eye on this space for "Eating Your Way To A More Active You: The BumperAtkins Diet!" Launching Nov. 4, 2008....


    2:42 PM

    Shuttering the House That Ruth Built


    Yogi Berra Farewell to Yankee Stadium

    Yogi Berra on the closing of Yankee Stadium: "I'm sorry to see it go. I really do."



    3:48 AM

    In related news, Pot to Reefer: 'You're Green!'




    12:51 AM

    Overheard in the parking lot after Vicky Cristina Barcelona:

    "That was so unsatisfying. I feel completely unfulfilled by that movie."

    Obviously, it was her first Woody Allen experience.



    3:36 PM

    Bumperactive's 2nd Revenue Sharing Payout!

    On July 7, Bumperactive completed our second-ever payout to the causes and groups sponsored through our bumper sticker royalty-sharing program!

    In all, we awarded $1682.14 to 27 causes and charities from across the ideological map—from Planned Parenthood to Interfaith Alliance, to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, to the NRA.

    The five biggest earners for the period are: Obama for President Campaign ($324.10), Democratic National Committee (269.23), EFF ($250.00), Sierra Club ($89.98), and Doctors Without Borders ($85.89).

    The median cause earner was the Republican Party ($35.01). The mean average earning among the 27 causes was $62.30.

    A full breakdown of the payout is provided here, including screencaps of our online donations for verification. Our next scheduled payout is January 12, 2009. As always, you can track the earnings each cause accumulates over the period on our Causes and Organizations page.



    4:35 PM The Audacity of Flarf

    Obama Means Everything: Shaking the Rhetorical Etch-O-Sketch

    Five sentences, stripped of context and selected at random from The Audacity of Hope:

    "He suggested that I go with them to their TGIF assembly, a tradition that they had maintained since the beginning of the company, when all of Google's employees got together over beer and food and discussed whatever they had on their minds."

    "Now they found themselves presiding over remnants of the past, their institutions barely relevant to nations whose people had shifted their main attention to turning a quick buck."

    "As a general rule, we believe in the right to be left alone, and are suspicious of those--whether Big Brother or nosy neighbors--who want to meddle in our business."

    "Clinton's ease with his black audience, their almost giddy affection for him, spoke of reconciliation, of forgiveness, a partial mending of the past's grievous wounds."

    "They might be hostile to our worldview, nationalize a U.S. business, cause a spike in commodity prices, fall into the Soviet or Communist Chinese orbit, or even attack U.S. embassies or military personnel overseas--but they could not strike us where we live."

    Don't play dumb, people. I suggest reading the above statements again, this time with an eye to what they add up to in terms of a vice-presidential pick or even a hidden agenda.

    There are no accidents. The truth is out there, just waiting for someone to connect the dots. Nothing is without significance.



    2:35 AM

    Worst. Fourth of July. Ever.

    Do you ever wish you could go back in time and undo what you did? You know, like this guy:

    Oh yeah, and I hear my apos'triphization 'sux.

    Peace in the Middle East.



    5:57 PM

    The 100 43 Best. Americans. Ever.

    We emailed a lot of blogs to help promote our Barack Obama sticker series, meaning we had to go out and find a *lot* of blogs. One of my favorites is NewMexiKen, by some guy named Ken. He's got loads of good Fourth Of July posts for you to check out. Though I've chosen to excerpt this one for today, in which Ken Takes the Mickey out of the Discovery Channel's 2006 list of the 100 Greatest Americans. Ever.

    The first 50 of Ken's list are below. You'll have to go to NewMexiKen, though, for the rest, as well as his list of 55 suggested replacements (He's still two Americans short, so make a suggestion in the comments.). While you're there, peruse the net's definitive authority on matters pertaining to the Great Ron Howard Ron Howard's brother.

    (American's listed alphabetically by first name:)

    1. Abraham Lincoln — NewMexiKen’s greatest American
    2. Albert Einstein — came to America at age 54; important work done more than 25 years earlier
    3. Alexander Graham Bell — Canadian
    4. Alexander Hamilton — if you’re on the currency you make the list
    5. Amelia Earhart — does a woman get to be great simply for being the first to do what men did?
    6. Andrew Carnegie — for philanthropy more than steel
    7. Arnold Schwarzenegger — not a good actor, not a good governor
    8. Audie Murphy — most highly decorated soldier of World War II (28 medals), all before age 21
    9. Babe Ruth — yes, made professional athletics part of popular culture
    10. Barack Obama — one speech, one big-time election; we’ll see
    11. Barbara Bush — when Jeb gets elected president maybe, but until then my vote goes to Abigail Adams
    12. Benjamin Franklin — top five; the first American
    13. Bill Clinton — was unfairly attacked but provided the ammunition; best president to hang out with, not great
    14. Bill Cosby (William Henry Cosby, Jr.) — one of several people on the list NewMexiKen has seen in person, so gets extra credit; integrated television, no small thing
    15. Bill Gates — another I’ve seen in person; capitalism is what America is about
    16. Billy Graham — anti-Semitic remarks to Nixon
    17. Bob Hope — wasn’t funny; Bing Crosby gets my vote
    18. Brett Favre — Johnny U maybe, not Brett; only one ring
    19. Carl Sagan — role was to popularize science, especially space; look where he’s left us
    20. Cesar Chavez — labor and ethnic leader; changed perceptions
    21. Charles Lindbergh — heroism isn’t by itself greatness; Nazi sympathizer
    22. Christopher Reeve — tragedy isn’t greatness
    23. Chuck Yeager — a cool guy; but bottom line just a test pilot
    24. Clint Eastwood — Harry Callahan makes the list maybe; Clint I think not
    25. Colin Powell — failed to respect his own conscience
    26. Condoleezza Rice — 9/11
    27. Donald Trump — other moguls have done more with less
    28. Dwight D. Eisenhower — won the war; didn’t try to undo the New Deal
    29. Eleanor Roosevelt (Anna Eleanor Roosevelt) — first First Lady to lead publicly; important change for women
    30. Ellen DeGeneres — not even funny; Fanny Brice gets my vote
    31. Elvis Presley — of course; changed popular music
    32. Frank Sinatra — NewMexiKen would rather listen to Frank than Elvis, but Frank was not a revolutionary
    33. Franklin D. Roosevelt — America’s most conservative president; willing to accept change to preserve the system
    34. Frederick Douglass — a great presence when one was most needed
    35. George H. W. Bush — if your claim to greatness is being President, you have to be re-elected
    36. George W. Bush — name one accomplishment
    37. George Lucas — ruined movies forever, but great at it
    38. George Patton — eccentric, daring, an ass; my vote is with Omar Bradley
    39. George Washington — the indispensable American; second only to Lincoln
    40. George Washington Carver — there are sufficient African-American leaders now; Carver can be retired
    41. Harriet Ross Tubman — escaped slave, put her life on the line to help more escape; women’s rights leader
    42. Harry Truman — among the top Presidents surely
    43. Helen Keller — overcame obstacles most of us can’t even imagine
    44. Henry Ford — for the $5 dollar day and the assembly line; pay people enough so they can buy your product
    45. Hillary Rodham Clinton — not yet
    46. Howard Hughes — too many fatal flaws
    47. Hugh Hefner — for publishing photos of nude women; I don’t think so; Hefner is on the list but not Hearst, nor Pulitzer, nor Luce, go figure
    48. Jackie Robinson (Jack Roosevelt Robinson) — superb athlete but makes the list for grace under fire
    49. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis — points for style and grace; but nothing more
    50. Jesse Owens — rose to the occasion and dispelled the Aryan myth in front of the world

    The Rest Of The List, And The Others Who Should Be On It.



    12:00 AM

    50 Barack Obama 2008 Bumper Stickers! (One For Each State)

    Barack Obama Bumper Stickers

    As our latest attempt to expand and explode the possibilities of everything you thought a bumper sticker could be, Bumperactive is proud to unveil the 50 Ways To Vote Obama Project! That would be 50 discrete bumper sticker designs—one for each state—in support of our candidate in the great political contest.

    So far we've got 18 designs posted to the catalog: AL, AK, AZ, CA, KS, LA, MO, ND, NE, NH, NM, NV, OH, OK, TX, VA WA & WI, with several more in the pipeline, and plans to complete the series by the middle of July. Let us know how you think we did for your state, and if it's not listed yet, send us an idea—especially if the idea is for North Dakota, and doesn't have anything to do with a jelly-filled pastry!

    50 Barack Obama Bumper Stickers!



    5:15 PM

    George Carlin is Dead.

    George Carlin died yesterday, at the positively Methusalean age of 71—when you reflect that it's the life in your years, not the years in your life, that counts.

    The night before Carlin suffered his third cardiac arrest in Santa Monica California, I was at a birthday party in Austin, Texas. Where, among other topics of conversation, a friend and I debated the merits of saying somebody "passed away" vs. somebody "died." It does my heart good that I had Carlin's part in the argument:

    He lived as a starving lion against 1,000 jackals in defense of the carcass of Truth. He understood that the power of words is eclipsed only by the power of the words we're afraid to say. And so he spoke, and spoke, and spoke the unspeakable to make us freer and better than we are. To employ any sort of euphemism to describe what happened to Carlin, to imply the old man somehow wandered gently into a vaguely-specified good night, is high slander. Without a doubt, at 5:55 PM PST on Sunday June 22, 2008, George Carlin died.

    My all-time favorite Carlin riff is "The Planet is Fine", from his 1992 HBO special:


    The planet has been through a lot worse than us. 'Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sunspots, magentic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles, hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages.... And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference?

    The planet isn't going anywhere. We are. We're going away. Pack your shit, folks.

    Carlin was dark, often flat-out misanthropic in his enthusiasm for the intersection of hubris and the Law of Cause and Effect. He didn't warn of apocalypse, he rooted for it. Still, I always felt the perspective of "The Planet Is Fine" is the essential one if the environmental movement is going to galvanize the public to the degree needed to change the course we're on. It's not about saving "the trees, the bees, the whales, the snails," it's about saving ourselves.

    He is of course most famous for "Seven Words You Can't Say on Television", which will soon find it's rightful place in American literary anthologies alongside Melville, Fitzgerald, Whitman and Twain (once we figure out how to anthologize standup—the ebook will help). This is the original version from Carlin's 1972 Class Clown album:

    He was arrested on multiple occasions for performing that routine, and never convicted. And at age 25, he was in the audience for Lenny Bruce's 1961 obscenity bust in San Francisco. When the cops began interviewing audience members as witnesses, Carlin told them he didn't believe in the concept of "government issued ID"; they carted him and Bruce off in the same paddy wagon.

    Supposedly, Franklin, Jefferson and Adams once spent a night in the same bed together while traveling to Philadelphia, because there was no more room at the inn. I imagine Carlin and Bruce's ride to the hoosegow was a somewhat comparable occasion, only with a lot more fucks in it.



    11:14 PM

    Memo: I’ve Found the Beef. It Resides in the Visceral Meat of the Passionate Human Heart When It Righteously Claims Victory

    Two interviews for your consideration. The first, in which the tongue leaves the mouth no less than nine times:

    Yeah, good answer: it’s not about Michael, it’s about you. Well done. Set me to wondering: would a seasoned gambler or CIA field operative recognize the tongue thing as a cue that there’s a bit of a bluff on?

    In the second, beholdeth pure joy, what the French, since Pascal, have been prone to call courage:

    And she does look great, doesn’t she? I like the part when she asks him how “top of the world” feels. Looks like it feels sort of all right, eh?


    3:09 PM

    Won't somebody please tilt Patti Solis Doyle?

    With the Obama campaign's hiring of former top Clinton campaigner Patti Solis Doyle for the job of "Chief of Staff for the Vice Presidential Candidate," we've all been treated to another media crack-hit of her official press photo. The first time it made the rounds was when Hillary fired her, and I always sort of thought it was emblematic of the dysfunction that derailed the Clinton Coronation:


    Patti So Leans Doyle

    The pic's not really Solis Doyle's fault. No matter how image conscious you are, you can never really judge yourself (just like every writer needs an editor). The problem is no one else on the Clinton staff felt able to step up and say "Uh, Patti, we're trying to elect the first female president here; L.A. Law-era Susan Dey isn't exactly the look we're going for. Straighten up and fly right." It all comes down to teamwork.


    Patti Solis Doyle

    There, much better. Your country needs you, Patti. Now go out and win this fucking election.



    4:22 PM

    Behold, our first "Front Bumper Sticker"!

    The thing I love best about running this site is when you wake up in the morning, you never know what new designs are going to be waiting in the in-box. The ingenuity of our customers is a real kick:

    Bumper Sticker: Slower Traffic Keep Right

    This design, I presume, is the first sticker in our catalog intended for a vehicle's front bumper, to be read in the car ahead's rear-view mirror. We took liberty of playing along and reversing the text of our logo bubble, too.

    There's one other bumper sticker in our catalog where the bubble-text is backwards (though the main sticker text is not). I'll send a free bumper sticker of the finder's choice to the first person who correctly tells me which sticker that is.



    3:44 AM

    The Che, Vive!

    Magnum photos has a gallery of images of some cat named Ernesto Guevara, who would have been 80 this week.... What I was most struck by is that of the 17 photos, only five are of the man—and 12 are of portraits of the man, born aloft by anti Vietnam war protestors, Cuban school children, and the bellies of supermodels.

    I don't really know much about the history of The Che: It seems to me that he lived violently and died violently. Motorcycle Diaries is a wonderful movie about his life before the time that the shooting started. Man, when it comes to charisma though, you either gots it or you don't, and the man was Elvis Presley with an AK-47. Of the series, I really love this particular photo: you can just smell the tobacco and the coffee in that room, can't you, and feel the air sticking to you. And of course, our subject is shaking hands with him, but he's saying hello to you. Jaysoos Christ, it's 2008. Hey Che, the people have this invention called the internet now. And we're using it to destabilize the crypto-fascist capitalist industrial complex from within, by harnessing the cuteness of cats.



    11:50 PM

    Reason #7 I wish I cried when Bill Hicks died:


    **** Do you consider what you just did journalism?

    **** I'm just wondering what you're trying to achieve with this kind of line of questioning?

    **** I just want to know one thing. Is what you're doing journalism? That's all I want to know.

    **** This is journalism?

    **** It felt like you were setting up an attack piece. Kinda like this. What we're doing to you.

    **** I apologize for touching your jacket.

    **** We're going to edit this, unedited, on the internet in about an hour.

    **** Have a good day.



    11:34 AM

    Why Communication Is Impossible

    That is the subject line of an email from a buddy who is having to do some dealings with the I.R.S. This is the email body:

    I said, "There's no rush on my end," meaning, "Let's handle the details next week." She said, "Oh no, I want to get right to it," meaning, "Let's start in three weeks."



    6:44 PM

    *Astounding* Review of the Driskill Cafe

    I give Virginia Wood's review of the Driskill Hotel Cafe five stars for side-splitting hilarity. It's not often you read a write-up and actually feel *sorry* for the restaurant critic.

    Once upon a time, I was a no-account waiter at the truly Hoity Toity Driskill Grill, which is mostly a separate entity from the more informal 1886 Cafe & Bakery which Virginia reviewed. Still, I pitched in and tended bar at the Cafe on a couple of occasions. And Wow, How the Mighty Have Fallen. I see from the review that the Driskill was sold to some out-of-towners.... obviously the wheels have fallen off the place. Here's the first thing you need to do to right the ship, guys: Hire a manager who's local. And hire him or her solely on the basis of one line under the "skills" section of their resume: Can recognize Dale Rice and Virginia Wood on sight.

    That's 98 percent of getting a good review in this town. And frankly, any joint with linen tablecloths that can't manage it is a waste of money. I still have my 8x10 glossy of Dale Rice. I bring it with me whenever I'm thinking about trying a new place. I show it to whoever's at the host stand and say, "Do you know who this is?" If the answer is no, I say "Thanks" and go see Jay at Quality Seafood.

    I wonder if her waiter was this guy....




    10:22 PM

    Reason #8 I wish I cried when Bill Hicks died:




    Blog Archive


    Official Bumper Sticker Provider

    If You Love Your Culture, Set It Free.

    And, in support of Creative Commons, get a free, free culture bumper sticker with every order.

    Propaganda Gone Wild!

    EuroPART!

    When public art gets political, the result is obscene.

    Face Facts

    Come Together, Right Now
    The man who shot John Lennon and the man who torpedoed John Kerry bear an uncanny resemblence. Face reading expert Mac Fulfer tells us what that means.
    Top 10 Cause Earners:

    1).

    Obama for President Campaign

    $1204.51

    2).

    Electronic Frontier Foundation

    $406.6

    3).

    Democratic National Committee

    $389.29

    4).

    Sierra Club

    $123.57

    5).

    American Civil Liberties Union

    $117.44

    6).

    Doctors Without Borders

    $117.17

    7).

    Creative Commons

    $116.16

    8).

    Independent Media Center

    $91.52

    9).

    Veterans of Foreign Wars of the U.S.

    $79.81

    10).

    Crawford Peace House

    $78.28

    After copy 1 of a sticker sells, 22% of the revenue from each subsequent copy is awarded to a cause of the designer's choosing, or to the designer him/herself.

  • Full list of causes.
  • Revenue sharing details.
  • Master of the Senate

    Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid is the Manet for all Sessions.

    Usagi Yojimbo

    Jim Lehrer Speaks
    PBS Anchor Jim Lehrer on proposed funding cuts, allegations of liberal bias, Deep Throat, and popping the question about "That Woman, Ms. Lewinsky."

    Spider Matrix

    Come on, Sarge! I ain't playin'! This isn't funny any more!
    Kenickie considered the small red flags clenched in his right hand. One, two, one. Original fiction by Marc Majcher.

    Dr. No-No

    Lucy In the Strike Zone, With Diamonds
    Dock Ellis, and the greatest performance enhancing drug story in sports history.

    The Mainstream Media is Still Your Master and Commander

    Cap'n Jack Aubrey owns your ass.
    Strewth! Bin Ladin wants Russell Crowe Dead. Strewth, I tell ya.

    1933 -2004

    Col. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executes a Viet Cong Prisoner
    Photographer Eddie Adams, whose 1968 image defined a career and a war.

    Donnybrook!

    Don and the Butcher of Baghdad
    Don and His Airness

    Got War?

    Got War?
    Mooo-nited they stand.
    Got Milk? poster children on the Iraq war.